tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44688928377551887282011-08-30T07:55:54.763-04:00Answering the unasked questionsGreg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.comBlogger1051100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-42008392050828340972011-03-30T14:29:00.005-04:002011-04-06T19:19:31.086-04:00

If you happened to find this blog, you're either one of a select few who think highly of me for some reason or are mad at Google for sending you here. That said, because you did stop by here, you get a special invitation to the soft launch of my new blog. So what is it? It's called KidsThoseDays (kidsthosedays.com), and I hope it's self-explanatory. Check it out and let me know your thoughts if

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-46002351797408300572011-02-21T10:48:00.003-05:002011-02-21T10:50:49.919-05:00

Why has it been so long since this blog was updated (again)? Rest assured, there are still curious items to be catalogued, and I will. But I've been busy with many things, including a new blog project that I plan to update much more frequently. Stay tuned for deets...

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-61106175022468078282010-12-02T16:32:00.003-05:002010-12-02T16:39:37.511-05:00

Hey, Sal. Got any salt?Yeah.Any good?Meh. It's salt.Hat tip to Katie and Jackie of the best bakery in Brooklyn aka the Blue Stove.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-35664487073042078402010-10-08T16:08:00.004-04:002010-10-08T16:17:12.378-04:00

If I could have any job in the world behind rock star, it'd be fake rock star -- also known as composer of stock music. Not only do you get to write it -- you get to name it and describe it (I hope).Exhibits A - J.Just one question though. As described in track 7, What are laser rays?

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-4355298118765248422010-09-30T17:31:00.007-04:002010-09-30T18:04:36.168-04:00

What do you do with that interminable split second before the elevator closes? You take the time to notice the little things, including random tenants in a random building.Like these mysterious outfits.Sure, Media Most International and Overseas Media are intriguing, but they're no "New Media Internet."Yeah. A couple questions. Is it really possible that "New Media Internet" is the company's

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-89026733622581285012010-09-28T15:30:00.010-04:002010-09-28T16:09:12.614-04:00

Being from North Carolina and an NC State alum, I've always identified with the NY Mets.Whether in *long-term performance, player signing (or recruiting), or merchandising (let's be honest -- it's the most important part) they're consistently overshadowed by the Yankees (or Tarheels).As much as I hate to admit, it's true. When's the last time you saw anyone giving national coverage to a Wolfpack

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-44686690060758421752010-09-24T13:49:00.008-04:002010-10-08T11:20:37.579-04:00

I just bought a new TV. Because my old one broke. You buy something for $200 in 1996, and you'd think it would last! Harumph! Things ain't like they used to be.But now, having taken the leap into the 21st century and purchased a bright, shiny new LG LCD HD TV (we really have to do something about those acronyms), I find myself asking Why? What's the point? You turn on the TV, and it's crap. Even

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-18656439746168850462010-09-21T15:01:00.005-04:002010-09-21T15:08:54.183-04:00

In the war for your wares on Graham Avenue, you must ask yourself Which is better: "best prices"* or "highest prices"**? (*Tivoli Jewelers. **Romance Jewelers. Yes, I agree. It would work better if the picture were better.)

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-65531869965285299422010-09-17T12:34:00.009-04:002010-09-17T16:46:32.520-04:00

I was talking with some friends the other night, and the discussion evolved (devolved?) into long-term quality of life issues. I think we'd all like to own a house at some point and possibly have 2.5 kids (minivan, picket fence, pressure washer negotiable).And unless we get our own reality show or become a science teacher and start cooking meth (neither are recommended), we realized there's a

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-58180106662519768752010-08-27T18:11:00.001-04:002010-08-27T18:12:53.795-04:00

What is it? This.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-6192349419982195612010-08-27T15:24:00.002-04:002010-08-27T15:27:54.670-04:00

I was baptized and confirmed Catholic, yet still couldn't begin to explain a whole host (pardon the pun) of its arcane and obscure beliefs, like why, for instance, our housing market has tanked because not enough statues of St. Joseph were buried upside down in backyards.I'm probably committing a venial sin simply by pointing that out. One of those things I could never explain was Papal

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-78723612791555943452010-08-24T12:39:00.008-04:002010-08-24T12:55:25.661-04:00

Going all the way back to 1997, Fall means two wonderful things: 1) cooler weather = no cooler necessary (if you know what I'm saying. Right, Mom?) and 2) (if we're lucky) a sweet new Oukast LP.(I wasn't quite hip enough to have gotten in on the ground floor when Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik came out.)These days, new Outkast proper material is hard to come by because Andre's presumably too

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-85428118748611939252010-08-16T14:13:00.002-04:002010-08-16T14:23:49.893-04:00

Okay, the letter-writing from post-deprived fans is getting a little excessive. Though I did appreciate the excellent fruit cake, Ms. Laughlin. So, okay, fine. I'll post again.Where have I been? Really busy, but I won't complain about that. I will, however, complain about this: moving, which is where I have "been," so to speak. Please "enjoy" this old and all-too-applicable old post in the

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-15305296486607363122010-07-09T10:35:00.007-04:002010-08-16T14:14:18.561-04:00

So it's Miami. Who cares? Not this guy, though there was a time.As a New Yorker, I'm almost glad that Lebron didn't come here because it would reinforce an offensive Big Apple mantra: We (NY) can buy anything.That's basically the Yankees' operating strategy. And to be fair, same goes for the Mets -- the Yankees are just better at it. (Lack of salary caps is one of my qualms with baseball).It's

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-12289654098478092832010-07-06T17:49:00.008-04:002010-07-08T12:32:29.079-04:00

Every time I'm in a car listening to the radio, I make a resolution: listen to the radio more. Yeah, like the analog kind. No Pandora, no satellite. Old school.Why? Because even though radio tends to play the same songs, they're songs we don't normally pick for ourselves. Radio is perhaps the most random form of media consumption these days. With a digital TV guide, I barely even flip channels

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-43559991541270599742010-06-30T15:49:00.007-04:002010-06-30T16:03:32.713-04:00

I use Yahoo Mail* primarily. Why? I can't really say, but I'm sure that at one point in time, I had a really good reason and that the reason is surely long gone. But hey, it's better than Hotmail.Each time I go to sign in, I wonder Why is Yahoo Mail apparently used exclusively by residents of San Francisco's Mission District?**"Just wait 'til you see my handsewn handbags covered with flaming

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-22602881092508344362010-06-29T17:26:00.008-04:002010-06-29T17:32:43.624-04:00

At the risk of sounding redundant, I just learned a random fact about two people I don't care about.Who is Percy Grainger? Apparently a famous composer who changed the face of modern orchestration and blah, blah, blah (and was evidently a "perv").But he's also Kevin Kline.So there you have it. Also, if you're not reading Cracked, you should. It's nothing like the magazine that once tried to be

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-36370133907340417392010-06-18T14:24:00.007-04:002010-06-18T14:45:21.441-04:00

Thanks to Dij for the tip on the most innovative use of tidey whities in decades, courtesy of Sears.It appears Sears tried to copy something they thought Urban Outfitters would do but overshot by a mile, ending up in Spencer's Gifts territory -- the grundle of American mall culture.Sure, there will be people who say, "You'd be crazy to keep cash in your underpants." To that I'd say, "Would you?

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-19238722556936589992010-06-10T14:22:00.005-04:002010-06-10T14:30:18.825-04:00

Remember that time in high school when you dropped acid in your friend's [Insert: basement, bonus room, carpeted garage]? You had such grand plans to do something "really awesome" like watch [Insert: "The Wall," "Labyrinth," "Dumbo"], but you got lazy.So you stayed up all night staring at the ceiling, which looked like [Insert: the sky, a circus, evil flowers], and watching infomercials.Then you

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-86600412902581676572010-06-04T16:19:00.008-04:002010-06-04T16:39:48.586-04:00

What actually exists? This does. Saw it near the curb on my street.(Can't wait to get a phone with a better camera)Of course, this isn't the most absurd example of movie merchandising, but it's up there. Did I mention that the movie exists too? Well, it does. For further ridicule of this practice, see Spaceballs. You really can't top that.Perhaps the worst-hyped, most over-marketed movie ever was

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-78273178439836305042010-06-02T11:19:00.004-04:002010-06-03T12:15:02.069-04:00

Last night Katie and I took in a fine film known as "Raising Arizona." It had been a while. Worry not, though. It still holds up.Early on I found myself thinking about... well, heavy s#!^: the cycle of poverty, recidivism, the disappearance of America's middle class, "that sumbitch Reagan in the White House," etc.Then I began to relate to the story in a much different way -- as a relocated New

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-30491183036318568522010-05-24T15:10:00.007-04:002010-05-25T16:06:21.813-04:00

How do you know when you talk too much? Consider the following exchange, which actually took place while watching the trailer for "Get Him To the Greek" a.k.a. "Let's try to Duplicate the Excitement of The Hangover":Katie: What's that guy's name again?Greg: Huh?! Well, it's currently Diddy, I think. I think Sean Combs works as well...Katie: Umm...Greg: But if you're really asking, it was Puff

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-76700466162423302302010-05-11T20:36:00.002-04:002010-05-11T20:38:45.076-04:00

Hey, what happened to this blog and why hasn't it been updated more lately? Greg's been working a lot, which is to say the amount that normal people do.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-34000590140719718912010-05-09T19:57:00.004-04:002010-05-09T20:03:01.584-04:00

I've asked similar questions recently, but maybe that means this blog is finally finding its true voice (Answer: It's not)Anyway, I saw this box in the grocery store and wondered Is this offensive? [Insert black-and-white photo of a Chinese railroad worker here]. Probably not, but it is without a doubt unfortunately named.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-89425564445981801232010-05-09T19:54:00.001-04:002010-05-09T19:57:18.991-04:00

Is it doing its job?

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-28021389591398386602010-04-27T11:48:00.006-04:002010-04-27T12:11:17.784-04:00

[Editor's note: Finally, an excuse to use an actual file photo*]A couple questions about it. It's a joke, right? Any day now, they're going to say "Ha ha, fooled you!" and break out pinatas and guac and have a fiesta in the calle, right? If so, good one, Arizona.Aren't most people in this country immigrants, including people who walked over a land bridge and then were given bridge-sized land to

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-61191955633020828672010-04-23T12:15:00.006-04:002010-04-23T12:34:44.397-04:00

What is The Dream? Last night, Katie and I decided it was having your own baby orangutan. That's The Dream.More specifically, The Dream is getting your own baby orangutan through some sort of bizarre circumstances that justify it (kind of how it makes it okay to have a dog in a tiny NY apartment if said canine is from a shelter).Like, for example, a baby orangutan has been abandoned in the wild

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-3764274587631447122010-04-08T15:17:00.003-04:002010-04-08T15:44:31.861-04:00

I'm over it. Or maybe I'm not because I would have to have been under it or on it first.I was recently scrolling through my feed when I realized how bored I was scrolling through my feed. After reading one Tweet from someone I follow, I actually said to myself "Wait, 'he' is doing it wrong!"[Don't try to figure out who it was. I finally stopped following "him."]. But is there a "right" way to

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-88799074453724983762010-04-01T14:01:00.007-04:002010-04-01T14:16:46.922-04:00

As a marginally employed TV professional, I must be an idiot. Here I am thinking that TV jobs are hard to get, but What do I know?Apparently all I have to do is hook up with "New Direction TV and Films," who are "looking for the best new TV scripts to showcased to the world."I have a great sitcoms pilott featuring bacon, vampires, Snuggies and Joel Mcale from tvs The Soup. Will you showcased it

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-90116018796448369712010-03-31T13:52:00.006-04:002010-03-31T18:20:33.475-04:00

I was checking out the poster for J. Lo's latest joint The Back-Up Plan, you know, looking for a reason to be more aggravated when I noticed something.The movie's web site is www.theback-upplan.com. Now for the record, I'm pro-hyphen (case in point), but obviously it was not their first choice. So it got me thinking, What is www.thebackupplan.com? (Also, who goes to movies' web sites?)Turns out

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-77957722041263481072010-03-26T14:37:00.007-04:002010-03-31T18:21:30.379-04:00

Needed: place to crash, room to stash axe, cigarette pack practice amp. I recently had occasion to ask myself that eternal, burning question "Where would a rock star live?"Select has answers. And discounts.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-66474730494072621412010-03-21T10:18:00.004-04:002010-03-21T10:43:58.967-04:00

This weekend is beautiful. The sun is shining. Life is good.So in celebration of the first day of Spring, the birth of new, beautiful life, etc., I thought I'd ask myself, what's the advantage of not having all that crap? What's the advantage of NOT having little things over having them? If you take away the added property value, the increased quality of life, the cleaner air to breathe that

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-76533328737989190722010-03-17T12:28:00.005-04:002010-03-17T12:33:21.994-04:00

A well-traveled family member gave me this shirt a while back. Anytime I look at it, I wonder Is this t-shirt offensive?On one hand, an underdeveloped country that only develops tourism may always stay that way. On the other hand, maybe if we buy their t-shirts, they won't have to carry sticks on their heads.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-23958012070936640602010-03-15T12:26:00.005-04:002010-03-15T13:19:26.680-04:00

Katie and I were recently flipping channels when we came across "I Shouldn't Be Alive." It's one of her favorites, and I tend to enjoy it as well (though it seems a different production company, probably Canadian -- more on that later -- screwed up the new season).The guide said something like "A man struggles for survival after a tragic quad bike accident." Okay, fine. Sign me up, but What the

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-61119201124646205182010-03-01T09:10:00.003-05:002010-03-01T09:25:57.332-05:00

Reposted from Katie's blog in case anyone missed it a while back. Forget 5-hour Energy. That's for suckas! But what happens when you take 6-Hour Energy Drink? This.The following is a scientific experiment based on the research conducted on the claimed 6-Hour Energy Shot. Don't be confused...this is not the 5-Hour Energy Shot, it's the 6.While I'm quick to doubt the claims made by athletes on what

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-23861238949302714212010-02-26T12:46:00.004-05:002010-02-26T12:52:56.192-05:00

Dear Idiot Charity,Why did you spend bulk mail postage plus a nickel to send me bulk mail plus a nickel? Helpful tip: I can help you cut costs in your overhead.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-49183724231726927162010-02-24T15:50:00.009-05:002010-02-24T16:14:40.589-05:00

How awesome are these? (snorkeling at Yal-ku Lagoon)(swimming at Gran Cenote) (Ruins at Coba)(public safety in Akumal)

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-8187319472771791632010-02-24T14:51:00.003-05:002010-02-24T15:46:51.132-05:00

Play a handicapped person -- get an Oscar nomination or, with a little luck, a win. So goes the joke, which is almost indistinguishable from the truth (and was parodied perfectly in Tropic Thunder).Of course, if you can't get a hold of one of those highly coveted and elusive "retard roles," you could always: A) gain/lose a lot of weight for a role (DeNiro in Raging Bull, et al) OR B) make your

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-47384760111086885462010-02-18T09:45:00.004-05:002010-02-18T10:14:15.867-05:00

Even though I'm no longer in college and long ago realized that basically all reggae was the same, I still enjoy a little reggae on vacation. I think a lot of people do.And I'll say it -- I even enjoy some reggae while NOT on vacation. Back to vacation though: in Mexico, Mr. Marley and friends were in heavy rotation, and no one was complaining. We were living, walking Corona ads.Something about

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-50132263991459183272010-02-17T14:29:00.009-05:002010-02-17T15:18:23.167-05:00

[Editor's note: (Unfortunately) I just got back from the aforementioned wedding in Mexico, which was incredible. Warning: you'll probably see a lot of wedding-related CIs.]See the thing is, I now have to like them more. But more than that, I have to respect them more.I'm forcing myself to take them off my lists of joke references (other recently removed references: scurvy (overdone), Tyler Perry

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-1708346418206855122010-02-09T10:32:00.004-05:002010-02-09T10:59:41.018-05:00

I'm headed out of town to celebrate some friends nascent nuptials (Congrats, Raf and Nicole), so there won't be any new CIs for a while.In the meantime, I'll leave you to ponder this: What song surely to be played at the wedding is about 2:29 seconds too long? Clocking in at a beefy but not lean 4:59, it's Kool & The Gang's "Celebration."On one hand, this classic is a non-stop party jam feel-good

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-13265066963331408432010-02-08T23:06:00.003-05:002010-02-09T10:26:43.576-05:00

It being tax season and all, I keep seeing a Jackson Hewitt commercial that boasts "All we do is taxes!"Is that really a benefit, a tax place only doing taxes? I'm sure it's some lame attempt to go after H&R Block, who must do something other than taxes, but it's kind of like a grocery store bragging that "all we sell is food! We tried used cars, but it just didn't work. We kept getting oil on

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-44076264877795092712010-02-07T11:54:00.002-05:002010-02-07T11:59:01.158-05:00

What did I forget? I was daydreaming the other day, thinking about life, you know, getting really existential and introspective. And suddenly I realized that there for a second, I completely forgot about Dre. And then I was like, "Oh, yeah -- Dre. Cool."Never forget.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-51452987264800267222010-02-04T12:43:00.005-05:002010-02-05T12:32:18.961-05:00

When you move to New York from anywhere outside the greater Tri-State area, you come to learn that there are two types of reactions from people back home.Some find New York and your life there infinitely fascinating and exciting. Meanwhile, others -- who refuse to let go of the fact that NYC is no longer the same city that it was in Taxi Driver -- are basically counting the days until you tell

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-77733645817574815062010-02-01T16:32:00.002-05:002010-02-01T16:35:34.274-05:00

Saw this in the corner store near my apartment.Curious Question: Offensive?

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-47708310082395556242010-01-29T09:36:00.002-05:002010-01-29T09:40:15.534-05:00

Are we really still walking around, counting people? It's been a thousand years since the Middle Ages, and the only advancement in our methods is dropping the "hear ye."

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-83216204251163112012010-01-27T15:37:00.010-05:002010-01-29T09:53:21.125-05:00

*** UPDATED AT THE BOTTOM ***One of the first things I noticed after moving onto my street 5 years ago was that the lady from across the street comes over to my side to feed the pigeons, resulting in massive amounts of pigeon poop near my door. Meanwhile, hers remains relatively unsoiled. Thanks, lady.The second thing I noticed was all the friggin' wires. Take, for instance, all these friggin'

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-40315546146153556262010-01-27T15:26:00.006-05:002010-01-27T16:10:58.253-05:00

Curious Question: What looks like Florida? This does. But it also kind of looks like a gun, which reminds me of my ready-to-go tourism slogan, should the state ever need one:Florida: It looks like a gun!

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-43761601382362330212010-01-23T14:28:00.004-05:002010-01-23T14:47:25.818-05:00

Last week, the USDA announced a recall of 864,000 pounds of beef that was tainted with e. coli dating back to February 2008.Man, we got right on that one, didn't we? Any time you get into the 40 tons range, you know it's serious.So, um, don't eat any of that tainted beef that you, -- already ate. How are we not better at tracking this stuff?Oh, that July 4th party you were planning on having? You

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-54581491141408111822010-01-22T15:55:00.008-05:002010-01-22T16:36:14.522-05:00

I recently relistened to one of my favorite episodes of This American Life -- #233 “Starting from Scratch.”I like it for mainly one reason: The Puppy Channel. Act 1 chronicles the trials and tribulations of a former ad man (Molly Fitzsimmons’ father) who in retirement tried to launch a TV network of all puppies, all the time.No people. No talking. Just puppies. Simply contemplating the idea makes

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-5819672097284859012010-01-19T16:10:00.005-05:002010-01-19T16:45:12.699-05:00

With the tragedy in Haiti and the NBC late night debacle, I've been pretty busy actively mourning and hating (respectively) over the past week.As I've read the coverage of what's going on Haiti, one bit of information has continued to stick as a lump in my throat: looting.(Photo via NY Times)Whether it's 1977 Bushwick, Brooklyn, 2005 New Orleans, or 2010 Haiti, looting just doesn't make sense.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-86611223095744102222010-01-14T16:59:00.006-05:002010-01-14T17:14:00.447-05:00

They just don't make 'em like they used to. Remember when things were built to last, out of wood that wasn't from the Brazilian rainforest? When household things were both aesthetically pleasing and long lasting? Nope, me either. That was before my time.Don't get me wrong though. I love the density, weight and general flakiness of particle board as much as the next guy.But you've got to admire "

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-41535954587938981072010-01-12T16:02:00.002-05:002010-01-12T16:06:18.536-05:00

Mr. Sad Snowman, Where did your chin go?

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-79927206136099306262010-01-12T10:45:00.005-05:002010-01-12T11:05:28.093-05:00

This week has got to be one of the best for Joe Biden and one of the worst for Harry Reid.I dream of a truly post-racial day when we are so unconditioned to race that we don't even have to indicate it on government forms, a day when we can look at both black chocolate and white chocolate and say "yes, please." (That day's been here for me for decades.)Whether you call them "racial epithets," "

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-45661036780852270162010-01-11T00:01:00.004-05:002010-01-11T00:07:54.248-05:00

Ever wonder why did little Timmy keep falling in the well? Because of Lassie. Trouble follows that bitch around on a leash. Coincidence, my ass.I'm not saying she was evil, but after a while, you've got to start asking questions.If you see that collie coming toward you, run like hell because there's bound to be a storm a 'comin'.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-46045794758599276842010-01-08T17:38:00.005-05:002010-01-29T10:03:06.527-05:00

This week's news that H&M destroys and throws away all their unsold merchandise hasn't been pretty. That's such a Zara move. And really irresponsible.I was honestly surprised. I've been a longtime fan of H&M. Their clothes are really cheap, tend to fit me pretty well, and generally look okay.(H&M model showcasing their new Mr. Miyagi-inspired line)They always do a much better of a job keeping up

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-73689643711301189102010-01-07T17:51:00.005-05:002010-01-07T18:04:59.862-05:00

I was watching CNBC this afternoon. No, I have no plans of changing my name to Preston and moving to Connecticut.It's simply/sadly the thing that interests me the most during the mid-afternoon TV wastelands. At the very least you're going to get people yelling at each other. That's nothing to shake a stick at.And amidst their coverage of the annual Consumer Electronics Show, whom did I find? I'll

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-89760096815479370052010-01-06T10:04:00.008-05:002010-01-29T13:56:38.389-05:00

That's right. From the people who brought you Fourth Meal, it's the Taco Bell Drive-Thru Diet. This isn't a joke.Well, it is. But it's more tragicomedy than straight comedy. (I see Paul Giamatti in the movie version.)In case you haven't been lucky enough to see these commercials, allow me: Internet Friends, Christine. Female Jared, I mean Christine, Internet Friends.She lost 54 pounds by eating

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-87483450117610617012010-01-04T17:40:00.009-05:002010-01-05T09:29:50.532-05:00

I was lucky enough to grow up in the utterly vanilla suburbs. Yeah, I was boring, but I didn't know it. I didn't know there was anything wrong with strip malls designed to eliminate walking between Wendy's and Krispy Kreme until I saw that there were other options.On the flip side, it wasn't until I moved to New York that I realized just how bad, truly bad grocery stores can be. Sure, NC's

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-67156800318847976442010-01-04T17:33:00.003-05:002010-01-04T17:38:26.756-05:00

I've been racking my brain trying to come up with a way to examine 2009, a crazy ass year to put it scientifically. Then I realized, the year could easily be summed up by CI #22.###As the economy is starting to recover (or isn't, depending on who you're talking to), we're hearing things like "green shoots," "consumer discretionary spending," "housing starts," and a lot of other jargon. So I was

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-83354971982003659012009-12-30T16:56:00.003-05:002009-12-30T17:02:20.189-05:00

Is it possible to get tired of sitting and eating -- two independently desirable activities?Yes.*Note: While looking for the above picture to steal, ahem, use for this post, Google suggested the following search term "thai sitting eating black man." So do with that information what you will.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-69549155691675550182009-12-21T19:53:00.005-05:002009-12-21T20:35:14.881-05:00

This time of year all we ever hear about is Rudolph and his unbelievably red nose. Rudolf, Rudolf, Rudolf. At least that's all I ever heard about growing up.Being raised in the WASP-y South, I didn't know there was another option for underdog Christmas mascots. Well there is, and he's much more likely to be found hanging out with Sinatra than Rudolf could ever hope for. Suck it, Rudy.He is

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-36489959376000693172009-12-17T14:19:00.006-05:002009-12-17T14:31:43.343-05:00

What makes you think you can get away with that, Home Care Best Choice Brand? "Invisible tape?" Man, I saw that shit. How do you think I knew to buy it?Just for that, I will NOT compare to Scotch tape.This post has been sponsored by the Greg's Attempts At Mitch Hedberg Jokes Foundation. Click to donate.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-45587777069373884492009-12-14T15:28:00.005-05:002009-12-14T16:06:08.073-05:00

If your chief complaint about New York is "there just aren't enough shopping malls," you're not looking hard enough.I recently had the pleasure of visiting the Atlantic Center Mall, which is just one Mrs. Field's Cookie Stand shy of being the real deal. So it makes sense that they'd have a Subway and that I'd eat there.In general I support Subway, meaning that I eat there on a semi-regular basis.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-47566690752496721912009-12-11T11:30:00.006-05:002009-12-11T12:02:35.085-05:00

It was nominated for a Grammy and reached number-one on the Billboard Hot 100. It was also the bane of my 1999 existence.I'm talking about TLC's monster hit "No Scrubs." [for a reason that escapes my interweb knowhow, the video isn't showing up until you click on the link]The song was catchy. The video was all future-y and directed by Hype Williams. I loved "Waterfalls." So what's not to like?

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-72451944106328200982009-12-09T22:05:00.003-05:002009-12-09T22:11:06.838-05:00

How do you know when both original trends and joke trends are over? Snuggie/Slanket/Comfort Blanket = done as a reference.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-71575989133390850572009-12-08T10:21:00.008-05:002009-12-09T09:23:38.974-05:00

The gift of Prometheus. Well, I guess that was fire, but let’s not split mythological hairs.***The heat at my apartment hasn’t worked in days. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal if we weren’t in the coldest stretch of days this season.It’s remarkable that my landlord thinks it’s okay to let this happen. But what’s more remarkable still is the fact that I haven’t done anything about it.Why haven’t

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-66115301122152273942009-12-03T12:56:00.006-05:002010-01-14T00:01:46.499-05:00

The final frontier. More specifically, I mean to investigate Hollywood's version of Future Space, the final frontier.I started thinking about these matters while watching J.J. Abrams' "reset" of the Stark Trek series, which I found entertaining but also slightly disappointing.It was a little too wink-wink for me at times (though a lot of it was no doubt intentional). But I tend to compare (

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-91397140248950975342009-11-18T08:17:00.005-05:002009-11-18T08:33:42.022-05:00

I'm headed this weekend to my first ever cruise. It's such an odd way to get away -- confining yourself to a boat for an extended period of time, but I'm really looking forward to it.It seems that cruises are part remote resort hotel, part Las Vegas, and part summer camp (with both the pros and cons of the aforementioned).Still inspired from my friend's marathon run, I've decided to set myself a

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-42274766546887553262009-11-12T21:28:00.007-05:002009-11-12T21:59:04.396-05:00

Though Seinfeld was never known for satire, it pretty much hit the nail on the head with Newman.I would love to have had a bucolic childhood where I had a friendly relationship with a reliable, whistle-happy mailperson.I would hurry home from school with hopes that my X-ray specs from Boys Life were finally going to arrive today.If I had the fortune of running into Postman Barney on the way, I'd

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-50802183502281118562009-11-04T16:04:00.003-05:002009-11-04T16:18:03.928-05:00

Rest assured, the Government is protecting your favorite toilet paper brand from thieving competitors and unfair practices.One might assume that toilet paper brands, like many products, have applicable patents. You figure there's one for the diamond weave texture for a dependable clean, another for the method that turns 100% recycled materials into a rough, rugged clean, and even another for the

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-11129526463066160392009-11-02T18:45:00.006-05:002009-11-02T19:19:10.791-05:00

Ever since Pheidippides sprinted nonstop from Marathon to Athens to send word of the Persians' defeat, spawning the 26-mile race in his honor, people have wondered, "Why the hell would you want to do that?" Well, Sunday I found out. For all the crazy food items you get to have, obviously. I'm talking about gels and juices and jolts and salt tablets and various other things that are not only

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-5076348398983423722009-10-30T18:17:00.008-04:002009-11-03T17:05:18.454-05:00

Halloween is either my favorite non-presents-giving holiday or my most hated. I can't decide. It all depends on my costume -- or a frustrating lack thereof.I hate running around at the 11th hour trying to pull something together. Yet, some of my most favorite costumes have come from a last-minute shopping frenzy.The worst thing you can do is half-dress up. If you're not doing the whole costume

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-85823711990294837212009-10-26T17:30:00.007-04:002009-10-26T18:07:16.040-04:00

My friend Brock and I attended the WFMU Record Fair this weekend, and it was a lot of fun. How do you know you're at a good record fair? Just look for Rolling Stone Editor David Fricke shopping there and Yo La Tengo member Ira Kaplan working there.But calm yourself. That wasn't the exciting part! Amidst the heaps of musty music and niche celebrities, I discovered an entirely new genre -- train

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-13694209028065315762009-10-22T16:55:00.007-04:002009-10-24T13:37:11.387-04:00

I normally don't buy organic foods, mostly due to the sheer expense of them (also, because if your organic food product X comes all the way from California via fossil fuels, is the net result really a gain?).I'd love to imagine a day where all foods are organic (whatever that means, since the FDA/USDA doesn't really have a meaningful and consistent definition of it). And water would come right

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-51173836545122525942009-10-21T11:34:00.004-04:002009-10-21T12:04:58.384-04:00

After much deliberating, equivocating, hemming (but not so much hawing, oddly), and Facebooking, Katie and I decided to attend our high school reunions, which happened to be the same night this past weekend, at the same time, 40 minutes apart.It was hectic, but a lot of fun. I drank more than I should have, went to Waffle House at 2 a.m., found myself worried about being left out of group

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-60114278023986312432009-10-20T12:33:00.009-04:002009-10-22T00:14:53.822-04:00

I'm going to go out on a limb here and call Abraham Lincoln a classy guy.Not classy in the Kennedy Camelot mold, but the kind of guy who'd give you the shirt off his back so you could be classy (It's hard to be classy when you're shirtless). Then he'd just be shirtless. He'd do that for you.The Lincoln Memorial has always been my favorite of the presidential memorials, and by extension I've been

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-77781182652569111062009-10-15T15:43:00.009-04:002009-10-22T00:16:37.477-04:00

Yep, you guessed it. It's a full-sized replica of Stonehenge made entirely out of styrofoam. Foamhenge remains the only Stonehenge replica in the U.S. with that size distinction -- so the fact that it's made out of foam is really just gravy. Everybody wins.Located in Natural Bridge, Virginia, Foamhenge is the perfect place to visit after realizing what a ripoff THE Natural Bridge is. "Eighteen

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-9172713815655791462009-10-12T12:06:00.001-04:002009-10-12T12:06:33.050-04:00

I found this pamphlet on the windshield of a car down the street from me. Presumably, its goal was to get me to consider the end of my days, and I did. But what I didn't realize was how hilarious this pamphlet would be.If you do indeed believe you have an appointment with death, is it possible to have a sense of humor about said appointment with death?" The answer is a resounding and apparent yes

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-15358174900293868862009-10-12T11:40:00.009-04:002009-10-12T12:03:39.433-04:00

On Friday I watched Patton Oswalt's 2004 special "No Reason To Complain" for the first time. Way to be up to date on your supposed line of work, Greg. As expected, it was hilarious.[Side Bar: Patton was part of what I call my "most New York moment." In 2005, my friend Brock and I were at "Invite Them Up" at Rififi, where Patton Oswalt and Todd Barry did sets and, "Wait, is that? ... Yep." Yo La

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-72767397638525199662009-10-07T12:45:00.006-04:002009-10-07T14:26:33.215-04:00

Do you keep finding yourself among friends who frequently use the term "pyrrhic victory"? If so, you should get new friends.Nevertheless, you might find yourself asking "What's a modern day example of a Phyrric Victory?"(Un)Fortunately, a poll provided us with one today.According to the article, "opposition to Obama's health care remake dropped dramatically in just a matter of weeks" (to a 40-40

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-35554055298275454762009-10-05T13:33:00.005-04:002009-10-05T14:33:43.966-04:00

On a handful of occasions, I've encountered the same ideas (dare I say themes) in some far-flung and unexpected places. I'd call it Fate, but I doubt Fate has the time or inclination to insert bull fighting into my life three times within one month (September 2006: Almodovar's "Talk to Her," The Sun Also Rises, and some short story not easily recalled from The Best American Nonrequired Reading

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-83215485185150268912009-09-25T19:05:00.014-04:002010-02-27T14:40:44.431-05:00

I went to the Brooklyn Museum of Art for the first time today, so I thought this Friday evening would be the perfect time to breezily analyze the mammoth pillar of human existence that is ART.I would say I know as much about art as I do about wine, which is to say I know what I like when I see or taste it (The wine is more often than not red. The art may or may not be.)I do, however, know that "

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-27010714929359918402009-09-22T14:30:00.004-04:002009-09-22T14:39:33.319-04:00

As the economy is starting to recover (or isn't, depending on who you're talking to), we're hearing things like "green shoots," "consumer discretionary spending," "housing starts," and a lot of other jargon. So I was wondering, Is there some kind of "economic indicator" we all can easily understand? Turns out, yes. (Taken at the NYC public gym at Metropolitan Ave and Grand

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-62071864509645430052009-09-22T10:53:00.005-04:002009-09-22T11:05:19.453-04:00

You had a good day at the arcade in Cape May, NJ. You have 28,000 tickets. Do you go for the Maxi-Matic Oven Toaster or blow it all on the Fajitas & More Buffet?

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-76191169496494819862009-09-17T17:38:00.015-04:002009-09-21T14:34:37.816-04:00

No one likes to move. No one likes helping someone move. No one can stand packing, wrapping, shuffling, storing, repacking, rearranging, securing objects with ropes (or extension cords), re-rearranging, unloading, -- not to mention it eating almost a month of the mover's life and killing at least an entire Saturday of anyone helping out.There's not enough beer and pizza on Graham Avenue [insert

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-81102530954849567452009-09-16T11:54:00.025-04:002009-09-16T12:44:18.109-04:00

If a rapper hadn't acted like a jackass and then the President of the United States hadn't called him one, we'd still be focusing on the real story of the MTV Vide0 Music Awards -- the many faces of Lady Gaga.Behold the Student Film Widow From The Future...(Special shoutout to my boy, Kerm.)the Doiley-Masked Evil Fairy Queen...... And the Mascot For A Feathery Donut Store.And those weren't even

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-50705302806165000162009-09-11T10:37:00.022-04:002009-09-11T14:24:15.119-04:00

Arriving fresh out of the NASCAR from suburban North Carolina, I've been in NYC for over five years now. Obviously, the two places are quite different. (For instance, if you're one of the people I grew up with, you might be bristling with rage right now because "NASCARs" are actually "stock cars," but I digress.)Some differences between the Country and the City were stark and immediately obvious:

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-34034777892278454662009-09-01T16:27:00.008-04:002009-09-11T11:50:46.992-04:00

This weekend I caught a few minutes of NY1 a.k.a. "the channel your cable box automatically tunes itself to." I'm convinced this is where most of their viewership comes from -- that and from people directly involved in New York City political campaigns.They were doing a piece on some sort of school program designed to promote the sciences among middle school students (I believe an appalling lack

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-82654888800170694002009-08-28T15:02:00.008-04:002009-09-11T11:51:31.698-04:00

Flipping back and forth between Letterman and "Conan" (still not comfortable with calling it "The Tonight Show") last night, I realized that the most interesting part of the New Late Night Comedy Wars is not the comedy itself but rather the guest booking. In this category I think Letterman has clearly been winning very recently, but last night it was a dreadful tie.There was Mike Tyson on Conan

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-51557947894986476402009-08-27T16:28:00.011-04:002009-09-11T11:52:06.980-04:00

Plain old grape jelly. We pretty much take it for granted. Perhaps that's because it's most commonly found on sandwiches alongside peanut butter or on English muffins if you're fancy, or simply English.But what happens when a mundane, everyday object like grape jelly appears in an unusual or interesting place? It gets elevated to a whole new level and suddenly becomes a lot more exciting. Like

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-59799004679760775382009-08-26T16:27:00.008-04:002009-09-11T11:52:42.646-04:00

Let's say you like to ride horses. You've been an avid equestrian for quite a while, perhaps since you were a wee tot. It's stress relief for you. You'll trot around your prairie/dell/meadow, maybe check in on the fox hunt, but not necessarily participate. You don't see much need for showy galloping without proper cause (or proper attire), but you'll canter. Oh boy, will you canter. You most

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-31377667361291510062009-08-24T19:25:00.011-04:002009-10-12T12:04:46.810-04:00

I found this pamphlet on the windshield of a car down the street from me. Presumably, its goal was to get me to consider the end of my days, and I did. But what I didn't realize was how hilarious this pamphlet would be.If you do indeed believe you have an appointment with death, is it possible to have a sense of humor about said appointment with death?" The answer is a resounding and apparent yes

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-56905288088199772262009-08-24T18:58:00.009-04:002009-09-11T11:53:26.591-04:00

In case you've ever wondered (cq) "What do steel balls do?"They lock it solid. ... Raise your hand if you got it right.The picture is from the box of my bike lock, which incidentally is heavier than my bike. In all honesty, this is perhaps the least curious of the Curious Items because it's all laid out there for you, really.

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-24476725581572908512009-08-23T14:29:00.019-04:002009-09-11T11:54:29.264-04:00

In discussions with friends yesterday, we decided that Pirate was the new Ninja; Viking was an interesting flash-in-the-pan; and Bacon, which has already become passe, is the new Pirate. And all of these things are bad for you, except perhaps certain ninjas, like American ones.Notice anything missing? ... Yes, of course: Vampire, which is so hot right now in a different way. And that leads me to

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-30018216086019265432009-08-22T12:44:00.007-04:002009-08-22T16:52:08.604-04:00

Editor's note: The following opinions, views and statements expressed by Greg Volk do not necessarily reflect the opinions, views and statements expressed by Greg Volk. Oh, and also, I plan to "tackle" issues like this here very rarely.One thing I think we all can agree on about the "Health Care Reform Debate" is that no one really knows what the hell is going on.But here are some takes on what

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-32417532407605124342009-08-19T11:32:00.013-04:002009-09-11T11:55:12.241-04:00

I was recently informed that I've been using apples wrong. (And yes, I do meaning "using.")I've been eating an average of one a day for decades, and to hear this after all this time is unsettling. It's challenging my worldview, quite frankly.Here's what happened:I go to a produce stand to pick up four or five of my usual go-to fruits, red delicious. I select the best ones, put them in a bag and

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-73549793786381785222009-08-18T17:06:00.009-04:002009-09-11T11:55:47.723-04:00

Terrorists hatred of Americans doesn't get nearly the play in news coverage that it used to. And like Ron Livingston says in Swingers, after a while you kind of miss that pain (or at least the things people would attribute to otherwise nondescript "terrorists").Don't get me wrong. This is a good thing. I'm incredibly thankful our country has managed thus far to avoid another 9/11. And to you

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-57126130811839083932009-08-17T17:08:00.016-04:002009-09-11T11:56:30.485-04:00

K* and I are both big fans of Van Morrison (if you don’t know who K* is, then I’m surprised you found this blog). We occasionally find ourselves involved in inane discussions of mundane things.Frequently, it’s me just talking and K* indulging me, but there are some topics that get us both excited. And one of them is the meaning of Van Morrison’s song “Tupelo Honey.” Specifically, this passage:You

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4468892837755188728.post-64557039812080226972009-08-13T12:40:00.008-04:002009-09-11T11:57:14.959-04:00

I was watching a commercial for a natural male enhancement product the other day. I think it was Maxoderm (does it matter)? There was a creepy short guy dancing in the background who had clearly gained so much confidence through the use of their product that he was determined to show her just how enhanced he was -- whether she liked it or not. For added effect, he was biting his lip while he

Greg Volkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07266506434151662020noreply@blogger.com3