Friday, August 27, 2010

CI #97 -- Best Presidential Picture Ever

What is it?


CI #96 -- Infallibility of pointy hats

I was baptized and confirmed Catholic, yet still couldn't begin to explain a whole host (pardon the pun) of its arcane and obscure beliefs, like why, for instance, our housing market has tanked because not enough statues of St. Joseph were buried upside down in backyards.

I'm probably committing a venial sin simply by pointing that out. One of those things I could never explain was Papal infallibility. I don't mean to Church-bash. Lord knows (there I go again. Damnit! Er...) there's been enough of that lately. But throw us a bone here.

Just when is the Pope infallible? Always? Holy Days? Birthdays?

I was struck when I recently came across this explanation from Listverse. I did not fact check this because, quite frankly, for the purpose of this post, it's helpful just to assume it's true. Turns out he's not always perfect. Just under these conditions:

I. The Pope must be making a decree on matters of faith or morals

II. The declaration must be binding on the whole Church

III. The Pope must be speaking with the full authority of the Papacy, and not in a personal capacity.

In other words, the Pope is only speaking infallibly (and therefore irrefutably) when the stakes are the highest and most widespread. Hmm... kinda seems a little self-serving, but whatev.

But let me get this straight to be sure.

A Pope with bad taste buds eats this clearly bunk cheeseburger and declares it delicious. FALSE! It's still terrible.

Pope declares that Church-wide you-know-what "ain't no big." TRUE! Ain't no big.

Okay, now I've got it.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

CI #95 -- Things that are awesome

Going all the way back to 1997, Fall means two wonderful things: 1) cooler weather = no cooler necessary (if you know what I'm saying. Right, Mom?) and 2) (if we're lucky) a sweet new Oukast LP.

(I wasn't quite hip enough to have gotten in on the ground floor when Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik came out.)

These days, new Outkast proper material is hard to come by because Andre's presumably too busy boa shopping. And I, along with many, have a special place in my heart for Mr. 3000 (not the Bernie Mac one.)

But last night watching Letterman, I was reminded that even Outkast's second-fiddle MC (depending on who you ask) is still probably one of the best rappers out there. There isn't enough drugs, shoes, fur hats, pastels or booze in the world to make Kanye this smooth.

What's awesome?

This. I don't even have the album yet. But I will rectify that.... NOW.

Monday, August 16, 2010

CI #94 -- *Moving

Okay, the letter-writing from post-deprived fans is getting a little excessive. Though I did appreciate the excellent fruit cake, Ms. Laughlin. So, okay, fine. I'll post again.

Where have I been? Really busy, but I won't complain about that. I will, however, complain about this: moving, which is where I have "been," so to speak. Please "enjoy" this old and all-too-applicable old post in the interim.

Also, thanks special thanks to Brock and Kevin for their help -- with moving.


No one likes to move. No one likes helping someone move. No one can stand packing, wrapping, shuffling, storing, repacking, rearranging, securing objects with ropes (or extension cords), re-rearranging, unloading, -- not to mention it eating almost a month of the mover's life and killing at least an entire Saturday of anyone helping out.

There's not enough beer and pizza on Graham Avenue [insert incredibly specific geographic reference here] to make it tolerable.

So you can imagine how pumped I was when my new creepy neighbor *Gary asked me to help him move some things in the other day. "Just a couple bookcases I got on 92nd Street."... "Oh."

You might say, "Well, Greg. We help each other move. It's just part of being a decent person." Yes, we do help people move, and I help people move, but "people" are generally friends or loved ones.