CI #27 -- My Appointment With Death

I found this pamphlet on the windshield of a car down the street from me. Presumably, its goal was to get me to consider the end of my days, and I did. But what I didn't realize was how hilarious this pamphlet would be.

If you do indeed believe you have an appointment with death, is it possible to have a sense of humor about said appointment with death?" The answer is a resounding and apparent yes, at least with respect to the clever prose of Harold S. Martin. Consider the following:

- [Ed. note: Ever hear the one about] the man who said to his wife, 'Begorra, I wish I knew where I was going to die. If I knew that, I'd never go there."

Woody Allen, I know you're Jewish, but eat your heart out. On second thought, that's all the more reason to eat your heart out.

CI #26 -- Coincidence (?)

On Friday I watched Patton Oswalt's 2004 special "No Reason To Complain" for the first time. Way to be up to date on your supposed line of work, Greg. As expected, it was hilarious.

[Side Bar: Patton was part of what I call my "most New York moment." In 2005, my friend Brock and I were at "Invite Them Up" at Rififi, where Patton Oswalt and Todd Barry did sets and, "Wait, is that? ... Yep." Yo La Tenga just showed up and played a three-song set. It was awesome.]

Back to the special. He was doing a bit about the fact that if you were in 80s metal bands -- especially their videos -- you were basically gay (makeup, tight leather pants, etc.), and you apparently shoot your videos in factories that "produce only sparks."

Right as Patton landed on the word "gay" in the punchline, they cut to a guy in the audience laughing. Wait, wait. Is that Anthrax's Scott Ian?


My favorite thing you ever did will always be a cover of a Public Enemy song, but this is a close second.

C.I. #25 -- Pyrrhic Victory

Do you keep finding yourself among friends who frequently use the term "pyrrhic victory"? If so, you should get new friends.

Nevertheless, you might find yourself asking "What's a modern day example of a Phyrric Victory?"

(Un)Fortunately, a poll provided us with one today.


According to the article, "opposition to Obama's health care remake dropped dramatically in just a matter of weeks" (to a 40-40 split).

You know times are tough when just getting people to hate something less is a win.

CI #24 -- America's Crumbling Infrastructure

On a handful of occasions, I've encountered the same ideas (dare I say themes) in some far-flung and unexpected places. I'd call it Fate, but I doubt Fate has the time or inclination to insert bull fighting into my life three times within one month (September 2006: Almodovar's "Talk to Her," The Sun Also Rises, and some short story not easily recalled from The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2005.)

That happened again last week, this time with coal ash, which apparently is pretty much the worst substance ever. My first encounter with coal ash was on a 60 Minutes follow-up about the 2008 incident that spilled toxic coal ash all over Kingston, TN.

The second came when I watched the History Channel special "The Crumbling of America," aka "The least sexy two-hour programming block ever to be broadcast." You laugh now, but what about when the decades-old water main beneath your very feet starts to crack, causing runoff to mix with waste from a hog lagoon, in turn allowing harmful bacteria to leak into the water supply, KILLING ONE THOUSAND BUNNIES IN THE PROCESS!!!

That might as well have been the tone of the show -- sensible and scary as hell on its own, but way over the top in execution. Long story short, we're screwed but not necessarily immediately. Our bridges, canals, levees, damns, overpasses -- you get the idea -- are way out of date and, guess what, funding for maintenance for these projects is disappearing faster than the public option.

The problem is, infrastructure isn't sexy. Most people don't care to think about it, and fair enough. But I'm wondering (cq) Is there a way to make infrastructure sexy?

No, regardless of what Fergie says.

Coincidentally, Happy 100th birthday to the Manhattan Bridge.