CI #36 -- Toilet Paper

Rest assured, the Government is protecting your favorite toilet paper brand from thieving competitors and unfair practices.

One might assume that toilet paper brands, like many products, have applicable patents. You figure there's one for the diamond weave texture for a dependable clean, another for the method that turns 100% recycled materials into a rough, rugged clean, and even another for the latest in cardboard tube adhesives.

But how many patents can a single roll of toilet paper possibly have?

CI #35 -- Marathons

Ever since Pheidippides sprinted nonstop from Marathon to Athens to send word of the Persians' defeat, spawning the 26-mile race in his honor, people have wondered, "Why the hell would you want to do that?"

Well, Sunday I found out. For all the crazy food items you get to have, obviously. I'm talking about gels and juices and jolts and salt tablets and various other things that are not only socially unacceptable to eat at other times -- you look downright silly consuming them. But not when you're running a marathon. Bring on the pastes!

CI #34 -- Halloween Costumes

Halloween is either my favorite non-presents-giving holiday or my most hated. I can't decide. It all depends on my costume -- or a frustrating lack thereof.

I hate running around at the 11th hour trying to pull something together. Yet, some of my most favorite costumes have come from a last-minute shopping frenzy.

The worst thing you can do is half-dress up. If you're not doing the whole costume scene, I respect that. But if you're going to attend a costumed party or event, you must make an effort. Now, an effort doesn't mean wearing your normal clothes plus a name tag and one wacky accessory. At that point, you're really just an Adam Sandler bit.

In my mind, there's only one rule for Halloween costumes. What is your one rule for Halloween costumes, Greg?

Ci #33 -- Record Fairs

My friend Brock and I attended the WFMU Record Fair this weekend, and it was a lot of fun. How do you know you're at a good record fair? Just look for Rolling Stone Editor David Fricke shopping there and Yo La Tengo member Ira Kaplan working there.

But calm yourself. That wasn't the exciting part!