CI #46 -- Sitting and eating

Is it possible to get tired of sitting and eating -- two independently desirable activities?

Yes.

*Note: While looking for the above picture to steal, ahem, use for this post, Google suggested the following search term "thai sitting eating black man." So do with that information what you will.

CI #45 -- Dominick the Donkey

This time of year all we ever hear about is Rudolph and his unbelievably red nose. Rudolf, Rudolf, Rudolf. At least that's all I ever heard about growing up.

Being raised in the WASP-y South, I didn't know there was another option for underdog Christmas mascots. Well there is, and he's much more likely to be found hanging out with Sinatra than Rudolf could ever hope for. Suck it, Rudy.

He is Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey, and I'm kicking myself for not switching to Team Dominick sooner. Behold.



Why do we need Dominick The Donkey?

CI #44 -- Tape

What makes you think you can get away with that, Home Care Best Choice Brand?

"Invisible tape?" Man, I saw that shit. How do you think I knew to buy it?

Just for that, I will NOT compare to Scotch tape.

This post has been sponsored by the Greg's Attempts At Mitch Hedberg Jokes Foundation. Click to donate.

CI #43 -- Subway

If your chief complaint about New York is "there just aren't enough shopping malls," you're not looking hard enough.

I recently had the pleasure of visiting the Atlantic Center Mall, which is just one Mrs. Field's Cookie Stand shy of being the real deal. So it makes sense that they'd have a Subway and that I'd eat there.

In general I support Subway, meaning that I eat there on a semi-regular basis. It's the perfect place to go when all you want is a moderately priced, mediocre meal.

That's their pledge -- and really every fast food chain's pledge -- to provide you with exactly the same crap no matter where you are. Subway: Guaranteed to be mediocre.

CI #42 -- Scrubs

It was nominated for a Grammy and reached number-one on the Billboard Hot 100. It was also the bane of my 1999 existence.

I'm talking about TLC's monster hit "No Scrubs." [for a reason that escapes my interweb knowhow, the video isn't showing up until you click on the link]




The song was catchy. The video was all future-y and directed by Hype Williams. I loved "Waterfalls." So what's not to like? Well, one thing in particular.

CI #41 -- Trends

How do you know when both original trends and joke trends are over?

CI #40 -- Heat

The gift of Prometheus. Well, I guess that was fire, but let’s not split mythological hairs.***

The heat at my apartment hasn’t worked in days. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal if we weren’t in the coldest stretch of days this season.

It’s remarkable that my landlord thinks it’s okay to let this happen. But what’s more remarkable still is the fact that I haven’t done anything about it.

Why haven’t I done anything about my heating being off?

CI #39 -- Space

The final frontier. More specifically, I mean to investigate Hollywood's version of Future Space, the final frontier.

I started thinking about these matters while watching J.J. Abrams' "reset" of the Stark Trek series, which I found entertaining but also slightly disappointing.

It was a little too wink-wink for me at times (though a lot of it was no doubt intentional). But I tend to compare (unfairly) most sci-fi movies to either "The Empire Strikes Back" or the best episodes of "Star Trek: The Next Generation".

That said, Mr. Abrams' concept of Future Space as well as that of George Lucas, and Mel Brooks parodying George Lucas, Gene Roddenberry, and pretty much every other space story ever told have common threads, which raise common questions. For instance, ...