Friday, December 11, 2009

CI #42 -- Scrubs

It was nominated for a Grammy and reached number-one on the Billboard Hot 100. It was also the bane of my 1999 existence.

I'm talking about TLC's monster hit "No Scrubs." [for a reason that escapes my interweb knowhow, the video isn't showing up until you click on the link]

The song was catchy. The video was all future-y and directed by Hype Williams. I loved "Waterfalls." So what's not to like? Well, one thing in particular.

To start our discussion of scrubs, or a lack thereof, we must first ask What is a scrub?

Fortunately, oh so fortunately, TLC provided us with a definition:

No, I don't want no scrub.
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me.

Borrowing mathematics' reflexive property (that A = A, or something that's "not A" would also equal "not A"), it's easy to see that THIS IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT!

TLC are basically saying "I don't want guys who I don't want." Real insightful stuff, TLC.

Redundancy in lyrics really pisses me off. It makes me Superpissed (yes, it requires me to invent words).

Just think of all the kids in Africa who don't have any words, who would love to have your leftover words, TLC. You've had plenty already.

Though a "scrub" is defined in the chorus, the verses elucidate further scrub-like characteristics.

A scrub...

- thinks he's fly
- is checkin' me, but his game is kind of weak
- doesn't have a car and is walking
- has a shorty but doesn't show no love

Now let's assume these are helpful characteristics. You can't come up with one more characteristic or overarching theme to contextualize a scrub?

Pitiful, TLC. Pitiful.

A terrible song I don't like is a song I don't like that's terrible. Boom. Scrubbed.

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