CI #40 -- Heat

The gift of Prometheus. Well, I guess that was fire, but let’s not split mythological hairs.***

The heat at my apartment hasn’t worked in days. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal if we weren’t in the coldest stretch of days this season.

It’s remarkable that my landlord thinks it’s okay to let this happen. But what’s more remarkable still is the fact that I haven’t done anything about it.

Why haven’t I done anything about my heating being off? Simple. Being cold is easier than calling someone. Why is calling someone harder than being cold? With calling someone, you have to talk to him or her, and you never know how that’s going to go. That person may have just had a loved one pass away and, still in the grieving process, need a shoulder to cry on. And that’s just messy. Why take the risk?

Considering that actually dealing with this problem is not an option, let’s move on to examining a few modern heating methods that could heat your house if one did deal with problems:

Natural Gas Central Heat – Based on almost zero knowledge of modern heating methods, I’m going to say this is the best method

Radiator – Great as a source of incessant clanging and bloody noses

Barbecue Grill In Living Room – Legitmately warned against in TV PSAs during winter in the South. That means that enough people still do this that public officials feel the need to spend big ad dollars on the issue.

Heat Pump – Should be legitimately warned against in TV PSA’s during winter in the South. How does a heat pump work? For those of you who don’t know, by pumping “less cold” air into the house. Well, you know what the thing about “less cold” air is? Still friggin’ cold.

In this cold, holiday season, my heart goes out to all people who don’t have a warm place to sleep and to me because calling is so hard.

***By the way, I just rechecked the story of Prometheus stealing fire from the gods. Turns out -- which I either completely forgot or Grier Jr. High glossed over – he got punished by having his liver eaten out by an eagle. I’m going to go ahead and call that undesirable. Again, I’d rather be cold.